This week's theme: Forgiveness.

I need to talk about something today that might be the most personal devotional I've written so far.

THE HARDEST PERSON TO FORGIVE

We spend so much time talking about how hard it is to forgive other people. Almost nobody talks about how impossibly hard it is to forgive yourself.

I'm going to be honest with you. There are things in my past that I have asked God to forgive me for more times than I can count. And I know He has. Every time. Instantly. Completely.

But I haven't.

I still bring them up to myself at 2am. I still let them shape how I see myself. I still treat them like a permanent stain even though God washed them off years ago.

If that's you too, I want you to hear this carefully.

When you refuse to forgive yourself for something God has already forgiven, you're telling God His grace isn't enough. You're saying "I know You forgave me, but I know better. I know what I really deserve."

That's not humility. It's a quiet kind of pride. And I say that with love because I've lived in it for years.

Notice the word "all." Not most. Not the easy ones. All.

God doesn't grade sins. He doesn't have a tier system where the small ones get forgiven and the big ones leave a permanent mark. The same blood that covers a white lie covers what you did when you were 19. The same grace that forgives a moment of impatience forgives the thing you've never told anyone.

The cross was big enough for all of it. Or it wasn't big enough for any of it.

You don't get to be the exception. As much as your guilt tries to convince you that you're a special case, that your sin is somehow beyond what God can handle, that's a lie. There has never been a person in the history of the world whose sin was bigger than the blood of Jesus.

Including yours.

Here's what self-forgiveness actually looks like. It's not pretending it didn't happen. It's not minimising the pain you caused. It's not saying "it wasn't that bad."

It's saying: "I did that. It was wrong. God has forgiven me. And I'm choosing to accept that forgiveness even though I don't feel like I deserve it. Because if I refuse to accept it, I'm calling God a liar."

That last bit is the hard part. But it's true. Every time God offers forgiveness and we refuse to receive it, we're essentially saying "I don't believe You." We're telling Him His sacrifice wasn't enough. That He needs help finishing the job. That our self-punishment can add something to the cross.

It can't. The cross was finished. Jesus' last words on it were "it is finished." Past tense. Done. The work is complete.

Your job isn't to keep paying. Your job is to receive what's already been paid for.

If God has forgiven you, who are you to refuse? If the Creator of the universe has wiped the slate clean, who are you to keep writing the same sin back on it?

You're not.

YOUR ONE THING FOR TODAY

Think of one thing you've never been able to forgive yourself for. One thing. Don't try to handle them all at once. Just one. Now say this out loud: "God has forgiven me for this. I am choosing to accept that today. I will not call Him a liar by continuing to punish myself." Say it slowly. Mean it as much as you can. If you don't fully believe it yet, that's OK. You're not pretending. You're practising.

OVER TO YOU

What's the hardest thing for you to forgive yourself for? You don't have to share details. Just hit reply and say "I'm working on this." That's enough. I'll be praying over every response.

God bless you, my friend.

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